Sunday, March 26, 2006

A Post Of Substance...Finally

After much contemplation, introspection, and review of the comments I received on my previous post, I have decided to accept Neil's challenge to write something of substance.

Now, since it really is not me to write politically, I have chosen another subject which I deem as apropos, educational, and psychologically relevant.

I have to give a hat tip to my own mother, who just this morning sent me this provocative article.

It comes via the year 1955, which is, coincidentally, the exact year I first made my appearance on this earth. (Well, Shirley Maclaine might not agree, but let's just go with it).

I thought that perhaps, I could address the psychological soundness of each of these points, as they relate to my own personal marital relationship.

Although I will be speaking on a personal level, I know that my conclusions may be generalized and thus, beneficial to the "world" marital population. So, let me begin:

Point 1:
Apparently, I have provided well for my husband in this particular area. I have been known to not only make advance reservations, but I have plenty of turkey sandwich materials at the ready, at all times.

Point 2:
Why, resting is first on my list! I think that a day of soap operas and Oprah, eating icecream and dousing myself in J.LO perfume, is a definite fulfillment of this suggestion.

Point 3:
(Be a little gay...hmmmm) Does offering to have Stacy Keebler of "Dancing with the Stars" join our evening festivities (wink wink) suffice? I think... probably.

Point 4:
Don't let cockroaches, ants, or various other sundry bugs that seem to gather from hiding old icecream bar and bon-bon wrappers underneath furniture, be a deterent to tidying up the house.

Cheering your husband on as he accidentally takes a little ride on a skateboard left out in the hallway bodes well for this particular point.

Yes, a fire is important in aiding in the cleanup of chocolate bars eaten throughout one's day.

I have found, through the years, that tying my children up after a short beating has worked well in keeping them attentive and quiet around their daddy's arrival home from work.

Point 8 and 9:
Wrapping myself in nothing but Saran Wrap has notoriously worked well as a warm welcome, (except for the time he brought his partner home for dinner).

Point 10, 11, 12, 13:
I will attempt to tie these 4 together for sake of time and space.
I never greet him with complaints of the day...I always let him speak first. He says "hello", then I speak. I gently and slowly reveal how my day sucked, what broke, which kid drove me crazy, and which celebrity died that day. But all of this is done after he has had a chance to set down his keys and give me a kiss.

Point 14:
Why of course, I have never complained if he stays out all night. I silently change the locks.

Point 15 and 16:
After screaming at him in a gentle voice for 15 minutes about the ills of the day...while he makes his turkey sandwich...I invite my husband to lay comfortably on the floor, while I control the t.v. remote...I don't want him to exert any precious energy after a hard day at work.

Point 17:
I make all the decisions in our marriage, because I understand that my place is to NEVER question my husband.

Point 18:
I can only conclude from the preceeding answers, that I am, indeed, a good wife. I know and understand my place.

I only hope that I have achieved my goal of writing a post that will contribute to the psychological well-being of married couples everywhere.

I only hope, that today, my blog, like others I faithfully read, will contribute something of substance...finally.

If I can achieve this, then I will know this blog has not been written in vain. ( or is it vein?)


Irina Tsukerman said...


Sweettooth120 said...

You did a superb job in helping married couples everywhere. I especially like point #7.

I believe in Point #14, there is another great line to come back on that. It comes from the song "All Er Nothin" from the musical Oklahoma.

With you it's all er nuthin'.
All fer you and nuthin' fer me!
But if a wife is wise, she's gotta realize
That men like you are wild and free.
So I ain't gonna fuss, ain't gonna frown,
Have your fun, go out on the town,
Stay up late and don't come home till three.
And go right off to sleep if you're sleepy,
There's no use waitin' up fer me!

Ezer K'negdo said...

I have found that duct tape works just as well in keeping the kiddies quiet when the King, oh I mean my husband arrives home from his hard day at the office.


Neil said...

I am so proud of you!

Wendy said...

Love it! I am going to take what I've learned and try it out.

torontopearl said...

I've failed miserably. In 1955...and in 2006. That article points out all my shortcomings... Apparently they're timeless.

Stacey said...

Hee hee. This was so funny!

StepIma said...


They need to retitle that article: How To Be A Doormat. I especially like the part about not complaining if he stays out all night. You just know the writer of that article drank.

Btw, I just know you can do better on the "be a little gay" front. I will send you my Indigo Girls CDs and a flannel shirt post-haste.

wanderer said...

Ahhh, the good old days...

Sweettooth120 said...

Stepima - Wow, I think you just made my husband a very happy man. I own a flannel shirt (well actually swiped it from my husband)and most of the Indigo Girls cds.

cruisin-mom said...

Irina: glad it made you laugh

S.T.: Love the Oklahoma song! Is that Ado Annie?

E.K.: Just remind "the King" who's running England NOW.

Neil: Because of you, I am a better person.

Wendy: You are the kind of student we love around here.

T.P.: Oh are a good wife. When you left your husband to care for your 3 children, so you could come to another country for a left him the remote didn't you?

Stacey: Thanks!!!

Stepima: Love your alternate title...I'll be waiting by the mailbox for my flannel shirt and cd.

Wanderer: spoken like a...MAN!

S.T.: I'm glad that my post could contribute to the happiness of your marriage. Finally, I am making a difference.

Regina Clare Jane said...

Now this is the cruisin-mom I know and love! You made me laugh so hard- something I really needed after being gone for what seems like an eternity! I like Point 17- I should have tried that a long time ago...;)

cruisin-mom said...

RCJ: Hoooray!!! you're and sound. So good to see your name here and your wonderful comments. You were missed. Welcome home!

PsychoToddler said...

It's funny, yes, but this is the very blueprint for success that many Orthodox types are touting for our daughters.


Where are my slippers?

Mia said...

LOL - thanks for the lesson, guess I still have a lot to learn......

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: Your slippers are the same place as where your a** just got kicked. (ooops, 2006 "self" just overtook 1955 "self")

Mia: don't worry, you have years ahead to practice.

Mirty said...

"Be a little gay..." he he. Brokeback marriage.

Sweettooth120 said...

PT - regarding your comment about some orthodox touting this to their daughters....

This sounds very similar to what my daughter brought home from school last year. They were teaching the students about "Eishet Hayil" (Woman of Valor) and as I was reading through the coloring booklet that they gave to the girls, I felt like I was transported in time to the 1950's, from the illustrations to the translation that they were using.
Reading it just made me so uneasy and angry. It read like a carbon copy of this the article.

It definitely wasn't what I want my daughter to grow up thinking about herself and her role in a marriage.

I know it's suppose to be a beautiful poem that respects women, but the translation that the teacher gave to the girls, certainly did not do that.

Now that I know the school better, I am surprised that they passed that out, but otoh, the teacher comes from a very strict, religious family, where herself was in an arranged marriage at age 18 and was expected to take on a submissive role.

cruisin-mom said...

Mirty: LOL!

S.T.: I am sure there are plenty of people who still think this way. I forgot to ask my mom if she sent it because she thought it was funny, or she wanted to give me sagely advice on how to treat my husband!!! lol

PsychoToddler said...

I'm serious. This is mainstream Chareidi policy.

Now, you've read my blog and probably Mrs. B's blog so you already know that our house doesn't run that way.

And you probably also know that I want my daughters to pursue their G-d given talents as much as their brothers (and so far it seems that the girls have been luckier in the talent dept anyway).

But according to the Orthodox establishment, men and women have different roles in the family and have to be willing to suppress their own personal agendas to make the family work.

I think it's a perversion of this line of thought to say that one needs to be superior to the other, or serve the other.

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: that's pretty interesting and kind of scary. But is it going against strict religious belief if you do not follow this policy?

Another meshugannah mommy said...

Oh, my. It looks like I would have been incarcerated for bad wifery back then!

cruisin-mom said...

Hi A.M.M.!: LOL. Can being meshuganah get you incarcarated?!

Jake said...

I first saw that 1955 piece last year and tried to make it my CNN show's "funsite of the week" but it just didn't translate well. Anyway, it reads like those Church-sponsored guides for helping gay people suppress their urges and act straight, no? They should have re-titled that piece "How to Become an Alcoholic"

PsychoToddler said...

No, because I don't think that's really what Orthodox Judaism is about. I think it's what the right wing charedis want to turn it into.

Sweettooth120 said...

I know some guys that thinks life in the 50's were as idealistic as Leave it to Beaver, and would like times today to be like that.

The reality probably was, that there were a lot of women who drank a lot and /or were taking valium. The cultural revolution in the 60's happened for a reason, and I wonder how much of the suppression and fake reality of how life was suppose to be like, played a big role?

cruisin-mom said...

Jake: Yeah, or valium, valium, who's got my valium!

P.T.: explain charedis please

S.T.: Ever see Pleasantville?

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PsychoToddler said...

I was going to answer your question, but then I found out that I could be making $900 a month just having fun!

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: must be time to add word verification.
$900 a month, just for having fun?...hmmmm, maybe that should be my next post...what could that be?

Claire said...

That article always cracks me up! One of my friends is getting married next weekend - the bursar at our school gave her a copy of this article to see her right.

Stephen said...

That is hilarious. :D

cruisin-mom said...

Claire: Please tell me that isn't true!!!

stshores: Thanks, and welcome...I went to your blog and notice that we have a lot of the same names on our "rolls"!

Claire said...

100% true.....we 'think' he was joking!

cruisin-mom said...

Claire: well, let's hope so :)