Friday, March 31, 2006
I'm a Hottie
As if receiving my AARP (American Association for Retired Persons) membership in the mail when I turned 50 wasn't bad enough...look at what my postman dropped in the box today.
Yep, that's right...it's MENOPAUSE time. But, hey, lucky for me...if you read the fine print...there is good news...Yippee!
I'll finally be getting rid of those monthly inconveniences. Wow, this is good news...no more bills!
Can you believe it? You see those two nice ladies above? They are taking on my monthly bills...and couldn't be happier about it.
But that's not all...I'm gonna be hot. And flashing.
It took fifty years, but I'm finally going to be considered hot!. Apparently I will now be considered so hot, that I can run around the streets flashing. YES!... a reason to wear that London Fog I bought last year.
Who woulda thunk it...hot and flashing at 50! This aging thing just gets better and better by the month.
It's hard to believe this time has come. It seems like just a mere 38 years ago I became a "lady" for the first time.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was 1964, fourth grade, when my elementary school had seperated the boys and girls...taking us into the auditorium for that special "talk". By the time the "talk" was over, all I knew was that soon, I would have a new "friend" and I would become a "lady".
This friend, who might also be referred to as "Aunt Flo" or "The Visitor" , would be coming for a weeks stay each and every month.
For the next three years, I would look out the window once a month, waiting for a nice little old Jewish lady named Aunt Flo, to show up at my door (perhaps with a babke).
And every month the same thing...no Aunt Flo.
But one day, after waiting at that window for three whole years...on a warm summer California day at the beach...my visitor came...Aunt Flo had arrived.
SURPRISE...Aunt Flo was no aunt. And she didn't bring a babke. And I felt like no lady.
And this "friend" would show up on my doorstep the same time each month (unless, of course, she chose to surprise me and arrive a little late).
She would show up doing her best Mike Tyson impression...socking me in the stomach, leaving me doubled over with cramps.
Hmmmm, that doesn't sound like a friend I would keep around for very long. But this "friend" stuck by me for more years than I care to say.
How loyal...longer than most marriages. I guess you could say, that because of her, I was able to have two children.
And now, partly because of her, at the age of 50, I am finally considered HOT!
Maybe she wasn't such a bad friend afterall.