Thursday, October 05, 2006
Sagging and Loose
It is the day before Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. The day when Jews around the world ask God's forgiveness for sins committed over the last year.
My beloved husband comes to me on this day to announce:
"Cruisin...your front end is sagging".
Now, I realize that an important component of atoning is a willingness to be honest with yourself and your loved ones. So I decided that I must be one lucky woman to have a husband who is willing to be this open and expressive.
As if that isn't endearing enough...he continues from there.
"...and your bushings are loose".
Wow, at this point my heart is all a flutter, and quite frankly, I'm feeling pretty hot.
"I've got a brand new part that's strong and erect, not like the last one that was all floppy and flimsy. Give me about 5 hours and I'll have the job done".
That was it. I knew I had to prepare, and fast.
I ran to the drawer to pull out the little Victoria's Secret number I had purchased for my colonoscopy, because afterall, how often does your husband of 21 years announce that he's going to spend 5 hours getting the job done?
While I spent the next 1/2 hour readying myself, Mr. Cruisin was in the garage tending to who knows what.
I showered, powdered, put on a little lipstick. I even brushed my teeth. A dab of perfume, and I was ready to go! Why this almost 51 year old broad was feeling 38 1/2 again!
I waited patiently until I could wait no longer.
I stepped into the garage only to find Mr. Cruisin on his back.
Woah...in the garage? Well, that would be a new one, but hey, you only live once, right?
Except for the fact that he was on his back...underneath my car.
When I asked him what he was doing, he exclaimed:
"I already told you. Your front end is sagging and your bushings are loose.Those new parts arrived, and I'm under here fixing it for you. You'll need to give me about 5 hours to get it done".
"And by the way...why are you wearing that ridiculous thing from Victoria's Secret?...didn't you get that colon thing done already?"
Well, that was that. All my hopes, dreams, and fantasies thrown out in one fell swoop.
But, just as he had promised...five hours later, after a long hot shower and a couple of Advil, he had gotten the job done.
And there was Mr. Cruisin, sprawled out, waiting for me on the sofa...