Thursday, October 05, 2006

Sagging and Loose


It is the day before Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. The day when Jews around the world ask God's forgiveness for sins committed over the last year.

My beloved husband comes to me on this day to announce:

"Cruisin...your front end is sagging".

Now, I realize that an important component of atoning is a willingness to be honest with yourself and your loved ones. So I decided that I must be one lucky woman to have a husband who is willing to be this open and expressive.

As if that isn't endearing enough...he continues from there.

"...and your bushings are loose".

Wow, at this point my heart is all a flutter, and quite frankly, I'm feeling pretty hot.

"I've got a brand new part that's strong and erect, not like the last one that was all floppy and flimsy. Give me about 5 hours and I'll have the job done".

That was it. I knew I had to prepare, and fast.

I ran to the drawer to pull out the little Victoria's Secret number I had purchased for my colonoscopy, because afterall, how often does your husband of 21 years announce that he's going to spend 5 hours getting the job done?

While I spent the next 1/2 hour readying myself, Mr. Cruisin was in the garage tending to who knows what.

I showered, powdered, put on a little lipstick. I even brushed my teeth. A dab of perfume, and I was ready to go! Why this almost 51 year old broad was feeling 38 1/2 again!

I waited patiently until I could wait no longer.

I stepped into the garage only to find Mr. Cruisin on his back.

Woah...in the garage? Well, that would be a new one, but hey, you only live once, right?

Except for the fact that he was on his back...underneath my car.

When I asked him what he was doing, he exclaimed:

"I already told you. Your front end is sagging and your bushings are loose.Those new parts arrived, and I'm under here fixing it for you. You'll need to give me about 5 hours to get it done".

"And by the way...why are you wearing that ridiculous thing from Victoria's Secret?...didn't you get that colon thing done already?"

Well, that was that. All my hopes, dreams, and fantasies thrown out in one fell swoop.

But, just as he had promised...five hours later, after a long hot shower and a couple of Advil, he had gotten the job done.

And there was Mr. Cruisin, sprawled out, waiting for me on the sofa...

snoring.

26 comments:

Head over heel said...

LOL - that's what I keep telling my hubby - man can't express themselve so that women understand....GREAT STORY!!!!

Sweettooth120 said...

Move over Neil, I think you got some competition. Very cute, CM!

Sweettooth120 said...

Oh, and I love the line..."I even brushed my teeth."

Way to go, sex kitten!

Val said...

You're one lucky woman, alright, but you'd think after 21 years, you guys would be communicating a tad bit better!!! :)
Shana Tova!

cheated are the clouds said...

OMG Cruisin my cats are looking at me funny beause i'm laughing so hard and no one is around just them, from a mans point of view you had the meaning right! the working on the car with his hands well! that was fore play, you got the 30 seconds which was left over from the five hours, great story

Jack's Shack said...

Very nice. All hail Mr. Crusin.

Claire said...

Heehee! You make me grin, lady!

Cxx

Wendy said...

What a hoot! I'm so glad your front is no longer sagging and that your bushings are secure. You crack me up!

marallyn ben moshe said...

at least your husband knew HOW to take care of your sagging front and loose bushings...mine would have called in his best friend eli :))))

cruisin-mom said...

HOH: so true!

S.T.: Move over Neil...yeah, right. You're waaay too kind. Brushing teeth qualifies me as a sex kitten? Who knew...I'll have to do that more often.

Val: Hahaha! that's hysterical :)

CATC: Foreplay...LOL

Jack: you've made my husband very happy with your comment.

Claire: glad to do it :)

Wendy: I'm glad too, believe me...

Marallyn: Well, wait a minute...what does Eli look like? Perhaps this isn't such a bad alternative :)

kasamba said...

LOL!!!
Men!
can't live with 'em- can't shoot 'em!

On the bright side- at least he didn't think YOUR front end was sagging!

torontopearl said...

Love it! Love the photo!
CM, you're ready for the big time: Reader's Digest magazine...or maybe Esquire magazine. Quality material you've written.

Ezer K'negdo said...

You have such a way with words . . . :-)

cruisin-mom said...

kasamba: LOL! Oh, and did I ever say he didn't think MY front end was sagging? :)

T.P.: you and S.T. are too kind. But if you really think so...you can nominate me for bloglaughs website...take that, Neil!

E.K.: is that a good thing or a bad thing?!

Baleboosteh said...

Lol! I love it! Great post cruisin!

Anonymous said...

LOL! ;0!!! Fuuuuuneeeee!

cruisin-mom said...

baleboosteh: thanks!

Suzanne: welcome, thanks for stopping by:)

Wishing I was a said...

Crusin: That was JUST the laugh I needed! I agree with Pearl, you're ready for the big time! Thanks for brightening up my day!

Cheated: I know what you mean about your cats looking at you funny! That happens to me all the time! I swear, they know just how crazy I am!

Stacey said...

Go Mr. Cruisin!! LOL. (But aren't you glad you weren't the saggy thing)?

cruisin-mom said...

wishing: glad I could give you a little smile in what I know have been rough days.

Stacey: yay...you're back...nice to see you here again. And, we still don't know for sure that I'm not the saggy thing :)

PsychoToddler said...

Sniff...so romantic...

Elie said...

This is probably the funniest thing I've ever read on a blog! You've got a new reader!

Doctor Bean said...

HAHAHAHAhahaha! Ooooohohoho!

Ahem.

Sorry.

heeeheee.

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: all men could learn a great deal from Mr. Cruisin

elie: I'm BLUSHING...thank you for such a nice compliment. I know we frequent the same blogs, so it's great to see you here :)

Doc: I love to hear a grown man crack up!

the only way i know said...

Oh Gooosssshhh!!!
That was Hystercical!!!!!

cruisin-mom said...

T.O.W.I.K.: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it :)