Sunday, October 15, 2006

Shine



When you hear the word flashing, what comes to mind?

Well, of course, your local pervert in the latest London Fog trench coat, right?

Unless you happen to be a 50 year old woman. Then the word flashing takes on a whole new meaning.

And it ain't pretty (not that your local pervert flashing his wares is, mind you).

Yes, it's finally happened. You perimenopausal ladies know the mantra...the dreaded question that we can't seem to stop asking...

"Is it hot in here, or is it me?"

I can hardly stand hearing myself ask this question...I can only imagine how my poor husband feels.

But, alas, this is my new reality.

Of course Mr. Cruisin is sure I'm hot all the time because that's what naturally happens when women are near him. I, of course, lovingly assure him that is not the case.

With my new found condition, I seem to be up most of the night, shall we say, glistening.

And figuring out what to wear for the night's retire, has become quite the challenge. I start out cold, since temperatures here in L.A. are dropping to a low 50 degrees at night (sorry east coasters).

A nice pair of sexy flannel p.j.'s call out to me. I climb into bed, fall asleep, only to be awakened by a cold sweat. There. I've said it...

SWEAT!

My next move is to change into something more comfortable. Out comes the summer sleepwear, and all seems right with the world again.

Back to sleep...only to awaken a few hours later...FREEZING.

And glistening again.

Back to the sexy flannels. This quick change of costume continues throughout the night.

All the while, my husband is comfortably "sawing logs" next to me. How nice for him.

Before I know it, the alarm is sounding off, and it's time to wake up. WAKE UP? When did I ever sleep?

Now, the good new is, I have the television to soothe me while I drip. Who knew that T.V. in the middle of the night could be so educational. I have learned more about diets, exercise, hair products, Suzanne Somers, and GIRLS GONE WILD than I ever thought imaginable.

All the while, I try to grasp the purpose of this nightly shvitz. After spending years experiencing the joys of our once a month visitor, this is our reward? Why does mother nature want us to glow and drip at this particular time of the lifecycle?

I would have to say the answer to that one, is the answer to everything else in life...SEX. I mean, come on, what's sexier than a woman in flannel p.j.'s sweating profusely? Let's not forget the fact that I'm up all night, ready to go.

But, there's more:

Why, sweating is just like being on vacation in Hawaii all the time. In fact, I've added a blue drink with a little umbrella to my nightly regimen.

And you know what? My skin has never looked better. It's like a free facial every night.

Getting up to change outfits all night long, is better than aerobics.

I guess this flashing thing isn't so bad afterall.

My message to menopausal women everywhere is this:

Don't worry, enjoy the drip and don't sweat it...

turns out...

this is our shining moment.

23 comments:

Sweettooth120 said...

I think I will be passing this on to my sister and mother-n-law. My sister is still "waiting" for those hotflashes. It's been three years of perimenopause and by now she is of the belief that she is one of those lucky few who won't experience it. From what you just described and what my MIL has told me, I hope she's right.

kasamba said...

As long as you remember that you never 'sweat', you 'glow' and you never 'flash', you have 'feminine moments'!
Otherwise, you sound like you're coping just fine!

the only way i know said...

Thanks for the heads up!
Now I can look forward to being one really hot chick!
lol
Great Attitude, young lady!

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes, something to look forward to... thanks for doing all of us a favor, cm, by adding humor to what surely can be miserable. Definitely a cut and save post...

torontopearl said...

"...like being on vacation in Hawaii "

Um, does that mean that every night the earth moves for you, too? (couldn't resist re. today's newscast)

"With your face in a rosy flush
While your house is all a-hush

Like a fresh morning dew
Your body tries to renew

But is met with re-sis-tance
And your husband's look askance,

Asking...

"What's WRONG with you?"

CM, my advice: "DON'T SWEAT IT!!"

Doctor Bean said...

Mmm... I'm sorry you're enduring such ickiness.

If your doctor recommends hormone replacement, don't listen to him and send me an email asking me why not to take hormones. I hope your misery doesn't last long. A lot of women only have hot flushes for a little while...

Wendy said...

Very funny CM! I'm not quite there yet (but it won't be long!)....we had a friend here this weekend who carries a Japanese folding fan everywhere she goes - she said she's getting 5-10 flashes a day! Yikes!

Love your outlook!

Wishing I was a said...

Crusin, looks like the Japanese fans I brought home from my expat days will come in handy some day! Sorry to hear you're glistening...time for some MORE black and white oldies on tv, and oh, don't forget the ice cream!!!

marallyn ben moshe said...

cruisin, 'you're still hot, it just comes in flashes now'...trust me,it passes...when all fails open up the freezer :))) ps living in jerusalem, the first thing i thought of when you asked was the light on top of an ambulance or police car...oy

Jack's Shack said...

sounds like more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Claire said...

Cruisin, you never fail to make me laugh! Work that sexy look, lady!

Cxx

cruisin-mom said...

S.T.: Your sister may never get it...I'll keep my fingers crossed for her!

kasamba: Oh, yeah...I forgot about "glowing"...thanks:)

t.o.w.i.k.: Oh yeah, it's something to look forward to, alright ;)

rcj: awwww, thanks!

T.P.: lolol. Did you write that?

Doc: I promise, I'll only take testoterone...might as well see what it's like on the "other side". (thanks for the advice)

Wendy: I don't ever see myself carrying a fan, but I guess you never know.

Wishing: Don't forget the icecream? I'm sweating alot, I haven't lost my mind!!!

Marallyn: I thought of those too, but I guess that truly is your reality.

Jack: your right...care to join in the fun?

Claire: glad I could make you laugh...oh, you know I'm workin' it! HA!

Val said...

Well, after checking daily for a new post, you provide me with a great one. Thanks! Truly a great description of your nights... I haven't started this particular 'seaon' of my life, but it's soon to be a startin... joy- NOT!
Hang in there!

cruisin-mom said...

Val: first of all, thanks for checking back each day, that's so sweet. I'm glad you enjoyed!

Head over heel said...

Okay - clearing my throat - I know your condition is not funny but the way you describe it, is hilarious.

I am still some years away from the perimenopause. But I felt like this during my pregnancy
....but that only lasted for 9 month.

Elie said...

And here I thought it was us men who were cursed in this week's Torah reading with "by the sweat of your brow..."

Your hubby is lucky to be a sound sleeper. I can't sleep through the TV or any other noise in the room. I need it dark and quiet. Drives my poor better half crazy.

cruisin-mom said...

HOH: your laughing now...but just wait:)))

Elie: believe me, my husband can't hear a thing over his snoring ;)

Neil said...

I have a female friend over 50 who has fans in every room of the house... just in case...

cruisin-mom said...

Neil: I sat in a play last night fanning myself with the program, asking my husband over and over, "is it hot in here, or is it me?". He said "it's you". Maybe it's time for fans in every room.

PsychoToddler said...

Well, at least you don't perspire.

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: you got that right...perspiring is for whimps.

Shira Salamone said...

CM, you can make anyone laugh about just about anything. :)

I never got the night sweats, but so help me, I'm *still* asking "Is it hot in here, or is it just me," and I'm 57! I think the worst of the hot flashes is over, but, at this point, I've given up all hope that they'll ever disappear completely. Hope your, uh, "shining moment" doesn't last too long.

cruisin-mom said...

Shira: I'm so glad you stopped by and commented.
"CM, you can make anyone laugh about just about anything. :)"...Wow, what a sweet compliment. Thank you.