Sunday, October 15, 2006
When you hear the word flashing, what comes to mind?
Well, of course, your local pervert in the latest London Fog trench coat, right?
Unless you happen to be a 50 year old woman. Then the word flashing takes on a whole new meaning.
And it ain't pretty (not that your local pervert flashing his wares is, mind you).
Yes, it's finally happened. You perimenopausal ladies know the mantra...the dreaded question that we can't seem to stop asking...
"Is it hot in here, or is it me?"
I can hardly stand hearing myself ask this question...I can only imagine how my poor husband feels.
But, alas, this is my new reality.
Of course Mr. Cruisin is sure I'm hot all the time because that's what naturally happens when women are near him. I, of course, lovingly assure him that is not the case.
With my new found condition, I seem to be up most of the night, shall we say, glistening.
And figuring out what to wear for the night's retire, has become quite the challenge. I start out cold, since temperatures here in L.A. are dropping to a low 50 degrees at night (sorry east coasters).
A nice pair of sexy flannel p.j.'s call out to me. I climb into bed, fall asleep, only to be awakened by a cold sweat. There. I've said it...
My next move is to change into something more comfortable. Out comes the summer sleepwear, and all seems right with the world again.
Back to sleep...only to awaken a few hours later...FREEZING.
And glistening again.
Back to the sexy flannels. This quick change of costume continues throughout the night.
All the while, my husband is comfortably "sawing logs" next to me. How nice for him.
Before I know it, the alarm is sounding off, and it's time to wake up. WAKE UP? When did I ever sleep?
Now, the good new is, I have the television to soothe me while I drip. Who knew that T.V. in the middle of the night could be so educational. I have learned more about diets, exercise, hair products, Suzanne Somers, and GIRLS GONE WILD than I ever thought imaginable.
All the while, I try to grasp the purpose of this nightly shvitz. After spending years experiencing the joys of our once a month visitor, this is our reward? Why does mother nature want us to glow and drip at this particular time of the lifecycle?
I would have to say the answer to that one, is the answer to everything else in life...SEX. I mean, come on, what's sexier than a woman in flannel p.j.'s sweating profusely? Let's not forget the fact that I'm up all night, ready to go.
But, there's more:
Why, sweating is just like being on vacation in Hawaii all the time. In fact, I've added a blue drink with a little umbrella to my nightly regimen.
And you know what? My skin has never looked better. It's like a free facial every night.
Getting up to change outfits all night long, is better than aerobics.
I guess this flashing thing isn't so bad afterall.
My message to menopausal women everywhere is this:
Don't worry, enjoy the drip and don't sweat it...
this is our shining moment.