Sunday, February 12, 2006

Anything you can do, I can do better


Did you ever end up doing something you swore you would never do? Well, today I did just that. Thanks to my friend Robert Avrech of Seraphic Secret.

Turns out...Annie Oakley ain't got nothin' on me! Yep, that's right.

Since I was the esteemed winner of the Seraphic Secret "guess the 10 year old" contest, Robert was going to send me my winnings: an autographed copy of The Hebrew Kid and the Apache Maiden and a Seraphic Press baseball cap.

Being that we only live 35 minutes from eachother, I thought, why not just pick up my prizes directly from Robert. And while I'm there, we can swing by the shooting range.

WAIT A MINUTE! REWIND! PLAY THAT BACK!...The shooting range???

Robert has tried for nearly a year to convert me...no, not to orthodox Judaism.
But to a gun toting, card carrying, Bush loving Republican.

HA! Who does he think he's dealing with? Me... A lifetime liberal democrat. Not so Bush loving. Not so gun loving.

Then I turned 50. And something else took over. That something else being... you better try a few things you would never try, because you aren't exactly getting any younger.

But, I thought to myself, what's left. Afterall, I've had several brushes with fame.

Jay Leno has flashed me, I've dined with the voice of Bart Simpson, luncheoned next to Mickey Rooney and I married a man who will probably be the next American Idol...what could possibly be left?

And then I remembered. My friend Robert had offered to take this mild-mannered little Jewish girl to a shooting range.

So, that was it. I knew I had to do it!

I showed up at Robert's right on time (with a chocolate chip Babka cake, because my mother taught me well. Anytime you go shooting, make sure you bring your host a babka cake. They'll appreciate the gesture and perhaps be less likely to turn the gun on you at the range).

We drove off in Robert's car, but because I talk too much and wouldn't stop hounding poor Robert with questions, we missed our exit and got a tour of parts of L.A. that, well, let's just say you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. But, not to worry. Afterall, I was on my way to becoming a "sharp-shooter".

We finally made it to our destination. Upon arriving, we were asked to sign an affidavit stating we were not crazy. I fooled them. I signed, left a thumbprint, and off we went.

Robert had 3 guns for me to choose from. A rifle and gun from the old west (just like Wyatt Earp would have used, he explained). The other, a 45 Dirty Harry type somethin' or other (well, probably not really...but it seemed like it to me).

Robert carefully showed me how to take my stance, breathe, hold the gun, point and shoot. I loaded and unloaded the guns.

And then, like Annie Oakley herself...I took my first shot. Up and over the target the bullet flew. Okay...just my first shot. No big deal.

So I kept going...bang, bang and bang again...I HIT!!! A little low, but I hit.

Now I was feeling it. Power baby, power. I continued shooting with the gun from the old west.
Until it was time to move on to the 45. I shot...woah...that thing had some power...scary.

Then it was time for the rifle...much easier...steady, aim, fire...YES...I hit the head, the abdomin, the throat.

As I turned around to report to Robert..."hey look at me, I'm hitting"...he very kindly suggested that I might not want to turn with the gun, as it was pointing toward him...OOOPS!

I continued to shoot. Hitting almost every time. Robert pointed out that I was pretty good for a first time shooter and that I had an unusual amount of hits to the throat.

"Nobody aims for the throat, Randi, that's unbelievable", he explained.

Apparently, my goal was not only to kill 'em...I was gonna shut 'em up too!

Oy, listen to me. Just yesterday, I was a peace loving, non-violent, sweet woman.

I came home to excitedly show my husband the targets I had shot at.
He's still sitting in a corner cowering.

One advantage to this whole thing? I can sit on my couch eating icecream, watching t.v. and I don't think anyone's gonna try stealing the remote from me.

No longer am I just a pushover mom, or dutiful wife... no sir, not me.

Thanks Robert...for a fun day...(and lucky for you, I'm no Dick Cheney) not so sure the rest of my family thanks you...but, hey, who cares.

NO ONE WILL BE MESSING WITH ME FROM NOW ON!!!

29 comments:

torontopearl said...

Hey, maybe you want to pose for a heroine on one of the covers of a book line that I work on: Silhouette Bombshell books. These are feisty, fighting women with guts & glory, and I think you proved yourself to be one of them. Good for you.
BTW, do you think that chocolate-chip babka will last till Robert's morning coffee that you have to serve him?

Jack's Shack said...

Hmmm....So many smart ass remarks to make and so little time. ;)

Jake said...

Hey Randi, this is Jake. Nice writing here. I'm not afraid now, but maybe Robert told you I may be moving to L.A. in the coming months, (if I'm very lucky). If that happens, then I'll be afraid!

Stacey said...

Oooh, sounds so good (all of it -- even the choc. chip. babka)! Glad you 2 had fun.

I have shot everything from rifles to 9mm. I loved my Ruger 10/22 rifle. It was so fun. Ping, ping, ping.

Haven't shot in a while...since I've had 2 kids in the past 4 years.

I am itching to do it soon, though!

Neil said...

The IDF needs some good women!

cruisin-mom said...

Pearl: I'm ready for my close-up.

Jack: Explain, please!

Jake: Yay...you came over to comment. If you come to L.A., no worries. I'll teach you to shoot!

Stacey: I'm not getting anywhere near you...you even scare me. You are from Texas (by way of Cleveland), afterall!

Neil: My loyalty is to the United States!

wanderer said...

Bravo Cruisin' Mom - I love the action shot! I'm sure you remember when Doctor Bean took me shootin' as well. Shows you how simple-minded these conservatives are - they actually think that if a liberal fires a gun it'll make us vote for Dan Quayle or Newt Gingrich or something. Glad you had fun!

cruisin-mom said...

Wanderer: I've been waiting for your comment...I knew you'd come to my defense! Maybe the L.A. bloggers should meet and have a conservative vs. liberal shoot-off! lol

Doctor Bean said...

That would be awesome. Count me in. The event itself would be really fun, but the post-shooting posts would be glorious. I imagine pictures of hole-riddled silhouettes....

cruisin-mom said...

Dr. Bean: Imagining hole riddled silhouettes...shame on you. Didn't you take an oath to save lives?
So when's the shoot-off?
You know, there can't be a shoot-off without deli...Jews need their deli.

torontopearl said...

Deli? Did I hear deli? Well, you know, Randi, that takes us right back to KISHKA and KUGEL and SCHMALTZ HERRING...and Seraphic University!
Go, team, go.

Doctor Bean said...

I mean paper silhouettes! Geez!

Mmm... Post-shooting deli! Good thought.

busylady said...

OK, Randi, so now you are a member of the "I'm 50, so I am going to do it while I still can club"! I, too, started shooting last year--my 50th. Kudos to Robert (I read about it first on his blog) for getting you to the range! Love your blog--it's a hoot! Keep it up! BTW, sure would love your Choc-chip babka recipe!

cruisin-mom said...

Pearl: yuck...no herring

Doc Bean: I'll let you off the hook this time...but you're buying the deli

Busylady: thanks! Glad you like it.
The babka was store bought, but I'm sure the internet has a gazillion recipes.

Jack's Shack said...

Brents is great, but it won't work for a few of our friends.

cruisin-mom said...

Jack: Brent's not kosher?

zahava said...

rotflmao! i grew up in a very traditional family. traditional in all ways, except that my maternal grandfather was a marksmanship instructor, my maternal uncle was all-american rifle master for the u.s. army, and my father is no slouch with a firearm either. my shabbat candlesticks sit on a lovely tray which also happens to be a shooting trophy. my earliest smell-related memory is the smell of wood and gun-oil when my family cleaned their weapons after a competition.

where i live now (israel) this is no big deal. however, growing up in a liberal northeast town during the aftermath of vietnam, this was... well... a little less normal.

glad you enjoyed the experience. but as robert suggested, you might want to keep the barrel pointed DOWN! ;-)

cruisin-mom said...

Zahava: Thank you for your wonderful comments. I realize (after reading your comment on Robert's blog) that you are the famous Treppenwitz's wife!
Thanks for stopping by here and sharing a little of your own history...what a fascinating way to grow up!

Mia said...

Great picture Randi! and great that you had fun. I never went shooting in my life, but who knows maybe one day I´ll do it.

Sweettooth120 said...

Annie Oakley - is that really you in the picture. Great arms. I'm so jealous!

cruisin-mom said...

Mia:You never know...I never thought I'd do this in my life!

S.T.: haha! okay, I admit it...those are my arms...not bad for an old bag, hmmmm?

PsychoToddler said...

So first you elect The Terminator as governor, and then suddenly everyone, including the liberals, is shooting guns?

Hasta Lavista, Baby!

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: you got that right!
You'll have to come for our first annual "con/lib shoot-off". Deli to follow.

PsychoToddler said...

Sounds like fun. Can we invite Dick Cheney? It'll be a blast!

Jack's Shack said...

Correct. But it is so good.

cruisin-mom said...

okay, no Brent's deli, but Cheney will definitely join us for the shoot-off. I hear he loves kishkes.

Ezzie said...

Someone said something about free babka...? :)

Hilarious story!

cruisin-mom said...

Ezzie: yep, that's right...you commented, so a free babke will be coming your way soon!

Ezzie said...

Uch, I knew I forgot something when I was in LA...