I begged this magazine to not use my picture on the cover...
Time for vacation.
It's all I've heard anyone talk about this past week. Everyone, and I mean everyone I know, has some fabulous getaway planned.
We, on the other hand, do not. We didn't plan anything...and truthfully, I'm not complaining. Sometimes getting ready for a trip, and even the actual trip, aren't worth all the hassles you run into when travelling.
Who needs rest and relaxation...the tropics...balmy beaches...palm trees swaying...some silly blue drink with an umbrella in it.
I'm all for smog, humidity, the smell of dead skunk.
Why, who wants to stop: answering phones, opening bills, scooping dog poop, and cleaning toilets?
Who needs snorkeling, sailboating, shrimp cocktails, and a Swedish massage with Sven?
Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of great vacations. Although many years ago, we did venture out on a cruise from hell.
The very first day, poor Mr. Cruisin took ill. He couldn't get off the damn ship, joining us for dinners only.
The second day, both of my children took ill, acquiring a new symptom each day thereafter.
What started as a simple cold, quickly turned into sinus infections. From there, a brutal cough developed for both my offspring. On to double ear infections, and ending with a rousing case of conjunctivitis, better known as a lovely shade of "pink" eye, for my youngest.
The bulk of the vacation was spent in the cabin watching a John Travolta movie called Phenomenon...not once, not twice, but close to 20 times. You see, when you're rocking back and forth on a ship in the big, big ocean...you have but two choices:
To watch the movie they run over and over and over again, or watch a video tape of the festivities taking place on your ship from the prior evening. Tough choice.
So much for cruising (you'd think with my name, it would have been a perfect fit). That was the first and last time we tried that.
But, we've had some wonderful vacations through the years, that hopefully left a lasting positive impression on my children.
Alas, this won't be the year for a vacation.
I'll have to settle for a brown drink (diet coke, of course) in my backyard, watching the rose bush sway in the sticky summer eve...
...while Mr. Cruisin takes the place of Sven.