Saturday, June 17, 2006


This is one of the last pictures my dad would take of me.

It is symbolic of the kind of photographer he was. My dad loved taking pictures. He would make us pose, then snap...pose, then snap...repeat.

He'd drive us CRAZY!!! The picture above, is the result of taking several pictures in a row of me with my parakeet. The sun was shining...I could no longer gaze up.


My dad would have loved digital photography. He could have snapped, scanned, created, shaped, cut, and posted to his heart's content.

Tomorrow being Father's Day, I can't help but think about my dad and all that he had missed. He would never know the technology that comes so easily to my children. To him, it would have sounded like something from a sci-fi movie or an episode of the Twilight Zone.

Imagine describing computers, and digital cameras, and cell phones, and answering machines, and ipods, and blackberries, and dvds, and tivo, and cd's to someone whose life ended in 1966.

And yet, these are all things we can't seem to live without 40 years later. Our lives revolve around this technology. How is it that life could be so different just 40 years later?

How could life NOT be so different 40 years later?

Several weeks ago, I took my husband by the house I lived in until my dad died. I pointed out how the brick walk he set 45 years ago, was still there. My husband, being the do-it-yourself person that he is, seemed quite impressed.

For just one moment, I had a glimpse of what the relationship between my father and my husband might have been. Perhaps they would have helped eachother with home projects. Maybe they would have shared a diet coke and a laugh, while building a project or two together.

I like that image...I think I'll tuck it neatly into my heart.

Being a dad is not a position for the weak. How do you balance being "the man" of the house, with being "sensitive"? How do you teach your children what you know is right and yet, let go just enough to let them grow and conclude what is the proper fit for their own mind and heart?

I would like to pay tribute today, to two men who have helped shape my dad, who you can read about here, and my husband, who you can read about here.

If my children become dads one day, I hope they will find their own way to father within the context of their unique personalities, discovering what works for each of them.

And, I hope they will remember, and come to know and embrace the the roots of loyalty, humor, and hard work from which they came.

Happy Father's Day.


jackt said...

Very nicely put. Your father seems like quite the photography enthusiast. Maybe he would still be a purist if he saw all this digital technology today.

kasamba said...

I welled up when reading your post because my dad, (who is thank G-d alive an well) would constantly take photos of us, but made us stand for ages until he measured the light. By the time he took the photo, all our smiles would be strained and you could see we were yelling at him to take the picture through clenched teeth.

I thank you for your wonderful post, because through your loss I realise how much I have to appreciate what I have.

torontopearl said...

To put it simply: a beautiful post. It captures your dad for us just as a snapshot would do. And paints fatherhood with very clear lines.

Somewhere, above us, your dad is smiling on you and the men in your life; no doubt he has been forever busy snapping pictures of you to capture those Kodak (tm) moments for eternity.

Happy Father's Day to Mr. CM, too.

Wendy said...

What a beautiful post. It's lovely that you have an image of your husband and father having a relationship...from how you talk about them both, I feel sure they'd have been great together.

Ezer K'negdo said...

Beautiful post. Ran out of Kleenex :-)

Ezzie said...

Awww...!! :)

Hey, neither would be a Dad without you. We're quite the picture enthusiasts in my family - as the years pass, we look back at those pictures and remember why. I think your Dad was probably the same way. (Out of curiousity, are you?) And see how it paid off! :)

Stacey said...

This was such a beautiful post. It made me cry. Hope your husband has a wonderful day and I am so sorry you lost your beloved father too soon.

cruisin-mom said...

jackt: thanks...he might very well still be using film today, and not get all of this digital stuff!

kasamba: thank you. I'm glad my words led to more appreciation for your dad.

T.P.: as always, thank you for your beautiful words. You have been through alot this year with your dad, I'm so glad you could celebrate this day together.

Wendy: it was great to have that image...can't believe it took me over 20 years to conjure it up.

E.K.: glad I could make you cry ;)

Ezzie: "Hey, neither would be a Dad without you". That is such a sweet thought, thanks Ezzie. I was much better about pictures when my kids were little. I've gotten pretty bad over the last year or so. I need a new digital the way, which is the Canon you just bought? You are really happy with it, right?

Stacey: you are so sweet, thank you. We had a very nice, relaxing day.

Ezzie said...

I am REALLY happy with it. Canon Powershot A520. You should also download Picasa from (free).

You can get a better camera than the Powershot, but you'd have to spend a LOT more money. The 520 is actually better than the 530, IMO, and my brother called me a few days ago and read off Consumer Reports' report on cameras: The A520 and one other camera were the only ones they called "Best Buys". (The A530's battery runs out much faster.)

Just a bit of advice... buy a SanDisk memory card (256 or 512mb) and some good rechargeable AA batteries with the camera. That's all you'll need. :)

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Nice memory! Often things we are annyed with we miss when the loved one is gone.

StepIma said...

what a wonderful post... and a beautiful picture

cruisin-mom said...

Ezzie: great, thanks so much...I'm going to check it out.

SWFM: Thank you. and yes, that is so true!

Stepima: thanks. (you really think it's a beautiful pic?!)

the only way i know said...

you have inspired me so much - to be an even better parent..
your dad sounds so incredible -
very much like my own
your post was extremely touching.

the only way i know said...

btw - this is my first time on your blog - have been reading some of your prev posts -
you are wondefully funny, entertaining, warm and a complete pleasure to read
see ya soon!

cruisin-mom said...

the only way I know: Wow, you have overwhelmed me with your comments. Thank you so much. Please keep coming by. I have read your blog too, what a beautiful writer.

Mia said...

I read this beautiful post 3 times on different days and everytime when I was about to write a comment I got interupted.

You had me in tears as usual when you write about the men in your life (father, hubby, kids). So soon before my wedding it made me think a lot about my father (who is thank g-d in very good health) and about my love to him. You always make me think beyond the obvious with your touching posts. I am sad your dad is not here to see how well you do in life, what a great son-in-law he has and what wonderful grandchildren. But he knows and sees and is here.

cruisin-mom said...

Mia: you are so sweet. I'm genuinely happy you have your dad to accompany you at your wedding to your wonderful husband. Thank you for such kind words.